I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
