fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
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