I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
