Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
