Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
