EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Randomize
