I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
