I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
