he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
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