did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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