hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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