You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
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