the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
