she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Randomize
