Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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