ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
