where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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