I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
we're chasing vodka with high fives
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
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