Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
