Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
