I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
I DEMAND FORESKIN
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Randomize
