Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
and you fell through a lawn chair
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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