he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Randomize
