dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
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