note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
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I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
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He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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