i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
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