He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
