Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
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