Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
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