my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Randomize
