i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
