I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
Randomize
