PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
