His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
Randomize
