you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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