Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
