Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize