based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Randomize
