Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
