Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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