she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
