he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
