My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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