I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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