1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
