I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
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