Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
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