I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Randomize
