i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
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