Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
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