You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Randomize
