a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
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