Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Randomize
