bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
Randomize
