We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
