Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
