he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
This is the high leading the old right now
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
