Well douche your snatch and let's go!
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
We got so high we made milksteak
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Randomize
