I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
