The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize
