That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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