he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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