Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
