Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
there was a trapeze. enough said
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Randomize
