Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Randomize
