dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Randomize
