Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
