If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
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