Church boner. Awkwardddd
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
