Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
