My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
