YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Randomize
