I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
