I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Randomize
