You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Randomize
