She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
She announced her abortion via fbk
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
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