The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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