She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
my penis made a compromise with my morals
Randomize
