sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Randomize
