Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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