so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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