you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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