yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Randomize
