Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Randomize
