my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize
